I was a leader in my church but had become a mess. Stripped of my faith, my health, my spirit and forsaken by friends, my days dragged into weeks then months as dark depression tortured my soul. All I could do was cry, feeling empty of hope.
Somewhere along the way I found myself boiling in anger at God. He had failed me, or so I thought. He could have stopped what led to my shattered life, but did not. My angry thoughts churned … I wanted nothing more to do with Him!
While contemplating what that would mean, I could see myself at a crossroad, needing to make a choice. Jesus was turning the corner heading in one direction, and I needed to decide if I was going to keep following Him, or let him fade into the distance as I go the other way to live my life on my own, having no more to do with Him or His people. But the realization took shape there would be eternal consequences if I did. I truly felt torn, for I no longer wanted anything to do with Him or His church.
My thoughts finally forced me to give in, and I angrily vowed in my heart, “I will continue to serve you, but only because you’re bigger than I am!”
In the telling it sounds foolishly defiant. But thankfully God knows our heart – He knew I wasn’t. Instead, I was being openly honest with myself and Him while struggling with my dark, deep pain and confusion. God then caringly responded with the familiar words, “The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.” Wisdom … the ability to see and understand. But it didn’t happen overnight. It took time.
Eventually I understood that when I chose to continue following Him at that crossroad, it was the beginning of a major shift in my life and relationship with Him. I was never the same. Even though it had felt otherwise at the time, He allowed everything to be stripped away from me out of love. As His child, my foundation in Him could then rebuild on HIS firm, unchangeable truth, and not my own misunderstandings, untrustworthy misconceptions and unreal expectations that had somehow developed in my heart about Him, others, and life in general.
His deep pruning then my regrowing was a long process that set me free from wrong thinking and entrenched beliefs that were holding me back from being able to see and live by HIS truth, and truly experience what it meant to have a new life in Him – to grow strong branches of faith and trust rooted in Him that could bear healthier fruit in my life and help others along the way too.
Even though horribly painful at the time, I will forever be thankful for God’s pruning with a purpose … for I found Jeremiah 29:11 to be true. He has enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. And in a way, I feel it’s only begun.
Whether it's deep or just a snip here and there, we need not fear or dread His pruning, my friends. He knows what he's doing. We can trust Him!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
_____
Evelyn is married with two grown sons, and retired from a 26+ year career in Christian ministry, but active on social media which she sees as a mission field.
Commentaires